For the first couple of days I still struggled to say or even text “Leukemia” or “Cancer” even though I had said it to the Doctor on our arrival. As it got easier to say out loud during the day it still remained excruciatingly unbearable for the doubtful little voice in my head to say “Your son has Cancer” when I couldn’t sleep or when I was alone. The quote that kept me going during this time is from Preach My Gospel, The part I could remember was “All that seems unfair in this life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ” in reviewing it I like this entire segment:
“To receive His help and strength, you need to exercise faith in Him, repent, be baptized, receive the Holy Ghost, and choose to follow His teachings for the rest of your life. As you rely on the Atonement, you will feel the love of God, and He will help you endure your trials. You will experience joy, peace, and consolation. All that seems unfair in life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the mercy and love of Heavenly Father. The Atonement is the central point in the plan of salvation.
What Is My Purpose in Life?
I don’t know how you go through something like this without faith and testimony of Jesus Christ to strengthen you. A few weekends before we came to Primary Children’s hospital our family cleaned our local church house on a Friday. Lane wanted to help and spent most of his time carrying around a garbage can and picking up little bits of paper and old programs as I vacuumed. We were up at the pulpit area and I was vacuuming. He put the garbage down and started running around. I shut off the vacuum and scolded him. “Who’s house is this? Do we run in the Church?” He shrugged his shoulders at me. I stopped and explained that we shouldn’t run because this was Jesus’s house. Instead of feeling bad he got all excited and said in his broken toddler speech something along the lines of well if we are in his house lets go see him. As I sat in Primary Children’s hospital in the early morning hours when no one else was awake I would often feel my most intense emotions running a full spectrum in record breaking speed, but through it all I could feel the Savior’s grace and Love supporting me, I could FEEL prayers offered in my families behalf. The house cleaning experience came back to me and I realized that we rightly call meeting houses His house, but he isn’t there to say hello to Lane when we go to clean the chapel because quite often he has to live in places like Primary Children’s hospital. I’ll be honest I shed many an ugly tear in that hospital room coming to terms with what we were dealing with. I joked that if a place like that could harness the power of a tear they wouldn’t need a generator. And If I never see another box of “Angel Soft” tissues it will be too soon; “Angel Soft” worst name for sandpaper EVER!